Inside: Funny golf quotes that you are going to absolutely love

I think if there was one sport that could be used as the butt of a joke, it would be golf. Okay, wait, I think lacrosse is up there…but golf is a strong second. So it shouldn’t be surprising to you that there are plenty of funny golf quotes out there just waiting to be read!

When I was growing up, my dad played golf almost every weekend. He said the best day to play was labor day(check out happy labor day quotes here), to always keep your shoulders squared and to never pick up another person’s ball.

He tried to get me into it, but it wasn’t until I was an adult that I began to actually appreciate the sport. Now, I love it. But that doesn’t mean that there aren’t jokes to be made!

Funny Golf Quotes That Will Leave You Rolling. Photo of Golf Ball.

If you are intrigued, then I think that you should keep reading. I have found some of the most funny golf quotes that will leave you rolling on the ground with laughter. I seriously can’t wait for you to read these! So don’t any longer than you have to…dive in! I’m giggling just thinking about these.

Funny Golf Quotes

First up, I think this list is going to be the perfect place for you to start. I have a good mix of funny golf quotes that I know for a fact you are going to get a good laugh from. You can use these quotes on signs, mugs, or any kind of DIY project that you want to do. See which ones make you laugh the most!

1. “If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.” – Jack Lemmon

2. “My worst day at golf still beats my best day at work.” – Corn Rows

3. “Golf, the classy way to avoid responsibilities.”

4. “Golf and sex are about the only things you can enjoy without being good at it.” – Jimmy Demaret

5. “It is often said that if a golfer’s mind is somewhere else while he is playing, it will show up most clearly in his putting.” – Gary Player

6. “If it goes right, it’s a slice. If it goes left, it’s a hook. If it goes straight, it’s a miracle.”

7. “Golf can be best defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle.”

8. “The reason they call it ‘golf’ is that all the other four letter words were used up.” – Leslie Nielsen

9. “The most important shot in golf is the next one.”

10. “When your shot has to carry over a water hazard, you can either use one more club or two more balls.

"If it goes left, it's a hook. If it goes right, it's a slice. If it goes's a miracle. Photo of golf ball.

Quote That Will Put Some Pep in Your Step

I think one of my favorite feelings in life is when I laugh until my sides are aching. That is how you know you are happy. I have never seen anyone able to laugh and be mad at the same time. So if you need some extra pep in your step, I really think this list outta do the trick.

11. “A golf swing is a collection of corrected mistakes.” – Carol Mann

12. “When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit.”

13. “It’s a marriage. If I had to choose between my wife and my putter, well, I’d miss her.” – Gary Player

14. “His golf bag does not contain a full set of irons.” – Robin Williams

15. “Golf’s three ugliest words: Still your shot.” – Dave Marr

16. “I’ve spent most of my life golfing, the rest I’ve just wasted.”

17. “The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can’t improve your lie.” – George Seukmejian

18. “Golf is a better game played downhill.” – Jack Nicklaus

19. ” The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight and not too often.”

20. “Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.” – Chuck Hogan

"I play golf like cinderella, I never make it to the ball." Photo of golf ball with golf club.

Funny Golf Quotes That Will Leave You Rolling

My goal with these quotes was to leave you rolling on the ground from how much you were laughing. If I failed at that by this point, I am beginning to question your sense of humor. In any case, this list below is sure to leave you rolling further than your ball on the putting green! For more sports laughs, check out this list of funny football quotes.

21. “While playing golf today, I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.” – Hunny Youngman

22. “I am hitting the weeds just great…but I have a terrible time getting out of them.”

23. “Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. It is at the same time maddening and rewarding, and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented.”

24. “A great deal of unnecessarily bad golf is played in this world.” – Harry Vardon

25. “Golf is a game where white men can dress up as black pimps and get away with it.” – Robin Williams

26. “Golf is like sex. When it’s good, it’s terrific. When it’s bad, it’s still pretty good.” – Anonymous

27. “Golf is so popular simply because it is the best game in the world at which to be bad.” -A.A Milne

28. “I played golg with a priest the other day… He shot par-par-par-par. Finally, I said to him, ‘Father, if you’re playing golf like this, you haven’t been saving many souls lately.” – Sam Snead

29. “When I was young, I thought golf was ridiculous. Hitting a tiny ball with a metal club…why would I ever waste my time doing such a thing? Then I failed the baseball team tryouts. Turns out, when the ball was moving toward me, I was a crappy shot. Suddenly, golf sounded pretty good. Now the only time I waste is when I am not on the course.”

30. “I play golf like Cinderella, I never make it to the ball.”

31. “The only golf I played as a kid was when we dove for them at the bottom of the river. Now as an adult, I see that as a gross misuse of the world’s greatest sport ball.”

funny golf quotes.

Okay, what did I tell you? There are so many good laughs to be had when it comes to golf. There are quite a few famous quotes in there; golf is just such a universal game! Though they are all a little different, these quotes all have something in common: under the surface, there is a love for golf.

You can just feel it! I know from experience that you can only make fun of something to this extent when you know it like the back of your hand. That is why jokes about your siblings land so well! And not all of these quotes were all that bad. You can really see when someone prioritizes golf over other things in their life. It’s just that important!

So yes, I used to hate this game as a kid. But now that I am an adult, I see the appeal. And after reading these quotes, I think the consensus is this: Never pick up the wrong ball, or you will make a horrible first impression. If you want to keep reading sports themed quotes, I think you need to read this list of college wrestling quotes!