Inside: Top hilarious haunted mansion quotes you need to read before the new movie comes out

With fall descending upon us, the movie selection keeps getting creepier and creepier. I know that remakes are all the rage these days, but there is one in the works that I cannot be MORE excited about.

And that movie is…yes you guessed it, the Haunted Mansion remake! The original is based on the Disneyland ride and features Eddie Murphy, so I was a little skeptical that they would do it justice. But the trailer looks amazing!

Photo of dark and creepy mansion

In honor of this, I wanted to show you some of my all time favorite Haunted Mansion quotes to get you in the spooky spirit. I am such a fall kind of person, so I cannot wait for summer to be over, but I suppose this movie coming out in July will have to do for now.

Haunted Mansion Quotes

First up, the quotes below are all based on either the haunted mansion movie or the ride. So buckle up! Speaking of buckling up, if you are hitting the road this summer, then you should enjoy these road trip quotes.

1. “Welcome, foolish mortals, to the Haunted Mansion!”

2. “There’s no turning back now!”

3. “Dark spirits, send us a message. Speak!”

4. “I’m a little more interested in living people, thank you!”

5. “You try living with a guy who’s seen ‘It’s a Small World’ 20,000 times.”

6. “I’ve seen happier faces on cashiers at the DMV!”

7. “I’m made of spare parts! Remember that!”

8. “There’s a fine line between denial and… stupidity.”

9. “You know, I could never share a bathroom. It’s just something I do alone.”

10. “We have 999 happy haunts here, but there’s room for a thousand. Any volunteers?”

11. “I don’t have a pulse, but I’m still a person!”

12. “That’s it. I draw the line at creepy talking statues.”

13. “It’s showtime!”

14. “This house has secrets, you know. Hidden passages, dark secrets.”

15. “When hinges creak in doorless chambers, and strange and frightening sounds echo through the halls…”

Top Favorite Sayings From Haunted Mansion

I am obsessed with this movie, so you know I am going to be first in line when the time comes. I can quote these all by heart!

16. “Why do I get the feeling that we’ve picked up another hitchhiker?”

17. “You can’t run from yourself, no matter how far you go.”

18. “Now, there’s nothing wrong with you that a little Electro-Shock Therapy can’t cure.”

19. “This place is haunted, isn’t it?”

20. “We may have our disagreements, but deep down, we’re still a family.”

21. “To escape the darkness, you must find the light within.”

22. “I believe, I believe, it’s silly but I believe!”

23. “No, it’s not an earthquake. You just passed gas.”

24. “You should never judge a book by its cover.”

25. “Don’t you know there are… hitchhiking ghosts in here?”

26. “I am Madame Leota. Seer of all, keeper of the spirits.”

27. “Now, be careful. The spirits will materialize only if you remain quietly seated.”

28. “There are some who say the mansion is haunted.”

29. “You should have gone left. Everybody knows you go left!”

30. “You try carrying 999 restless spirits around in your body all the time!”

There are some who say the mansion is haunted

Spooky Quotes

Next up, I wanted to give you some quotes that are haunted mansion THEMED. So if you are looking for something to put on your DIY crafts, this is the section for you. These are almost as good as my naptime quotes!

31. “Within the walls of haunted mansions, the past whispers, and the present listens.” – Unknown

32. “Haunted mansions are like time capsules of fear, preserving the echoes of the past.” – Unknown

33. “In the eerie silence of haunted mansions, the shadows dance with ghosts.” – Unknown

34. “Haunted mansions have a way of making even the bravest hearts quiver.” – Unknown

35. “Every haunted mansion holds a story, and every story conceals a secret.” – Unknown

36. “Beware the haunted mansion, where nightmares come to life.” – Unknown

37. “Haunted mansions are the playgrounds of spirits, trapped between realms.” – Unknown

38. “The walls of haunted mansions have seen more than the eyes can behold.” – Unknown

39. “In haunted mansions, the walls remember, and the ghosts remind.” – Unknown

40. “Haunted mansions guard their mysteries with spectral ferocity.” – Unknown

41. “Haunted mansions are like puzzles of the paranormal waiting to be solved.” – Unknown

42. “Within the darkness of haunted mansions, fear lurks, and shadows dance.” – Unknown

43. “Haunted mansions are the abodes of lost souls seeking solace in the living world.” – Unknown

44. “In haunted mansions, the past writes its ghostly tales upon the present.” – Unknown

45. “Haunted mansions are the forgotten echoes of history’s tragic symphony.” – Unknown

Deep Haunt Themed Quotes

Yep, it’s about to get deep. Did you really think that I could make a list without including at least a couple that will leave you thinking?

46. “Even the bravest souls tread cautiously in the presence of haunted mansions.” – Unknown

47. “In haunted mansions, the spirits yearn to share their untold stories.” – Unknown

48. “Haunted mansions are portals to the twilight realm, where spirits roam free.” – Unknown

49. “Within the walls of haunted mansions, specters of the past find refuge.” – Unknown

50. “Haunted mansions hold secrets like a silent heart holds its whispers.” – Unknown

51. “In haunted mansions, time weaves a tapestry of forgotten memories.” – Unknown

52. “Haunted mansions are lighthouses for lost souls, guiding them through the darkness.” – Unknown

53. “In haunted mansions, the night is alive with the echoes of history.” – Unknown

54. “Haunted mansions are where the line blurs between reality and the supernatural.” – Unknown

55. “Within the haunted mansions’ embrace, the living walk alongside the dead.” – Unknown

56. “Haunted mansions are the enigmatic palaces of the ethereal realm.” – Unknown

57. “In the quietude of haunted mansions, the spirits find their voice.” – Unknown

58. “Haunted mansions are like riddles waiting to be solved by brave souls.” – Unknown

59. “Within the walls of haunted mansions, the past never truly dies.” – Unknown

60. “Haunted mansions are windows into the world of the otherworldly.” – Unknown

That's it. I draw the line at creepy talking statues.

Hilarious Haunted Mansion Quotes

Lastly, I wanted to end this article on a funny note.

61. “Haunted mansion? Nah, I prefer a well-lit, non-haunted condo with room service.” – Unknown

62. “Who needs a gym membership when you can get daily cardio from running away from haunted mansions?” – Unknown

63. “I visited a haunted mansion, and all I got was this ghostly souvenir!” – Unknown

64. “Haunted mansions are perfect for introverts – lots of personal space with built-in company!” – Unknown

65. “I thought about buying a haunted mansion, but then I realized my cat would never forgive me.” – Unknown

66. “My ideal haunted mansion has Wi-Fi and a ghost that folds laundry.” – Unknown

67. “People pay for thrills at haunted mansions, but I get my daily dose by checking my bank balance.” – Unknown

68. “Why go to a haunted mansion for a good scare when you can check your credit score?” – Unknown

69. “Haunted mansions: where ghosts go to boo-tcamp.” – Unknown

70. “I don’t do haunted mansions; I get enough scares from my monthly bills.” – Unknown

71. “If you ever feel lonely, just remember haunted mansions have plenty of ‘spirited’ company.” – Unknown

72. “I’d live in a haunted mansion, but the commute to the nearest grocery store would be a killer!” – Unknown

73. “My dream haunted mansion has a drive-thru for quick ghost encounters.” – Unknown

74. “Visiting a haunted mansion with kids: ‘Is it haunted yet?’ ‘No, Timmy, we have to wait for the ghosts to clock in first.'” – Unknown

75. “I tried to book a haunted mansion for a vacation, but the TripAdvisor reviews were just boo-ring.” – Unknown

76. “I would buy a haunted mansion, but the real estate agent ghosted me.” – Unknown

77. “I visited a haunted mansion and came back with a ghost-written memoir.” – Unknown

78. “Why did the ghost go to the haunted mansion? For the ‘boo’ tiful architecture!” – Unknown

79. “Haunted mansions: where ghosts have permanent house parties.” – Unknown

80. “You know you’re at a haunted mansion when even the cobwebs have cobwebs.” – Unknown

81. “I tried to renovate a haunted mansion, but the ghosts wouldn’t sign off on the blueprints.” – Unknown

82. “Haunted mansion: Where you can pay rent with ectoplasmic energy.” – Unknown

83. “Why did the ghost refuse to leave the haunted mansion? The rent was to-die-for!” – Unknown

84. “If haunted mansions had Yelp reviews, ghosts would be complaining about the living making too much noise.” – Unknown

85. “Visited a haunted mansion and had to sign a liability waiver for ghostly tripping hazards.” – Unknown

haunted mansion quotes

Alright, there you have it, my all time favorite Haunted Mansion quotes! I am literally counting down the days until this movie comes out. Fingers crossed it’s good!

Oh who am I kidding…by that time I am going to be fully immersed in all of the fall themed activities, so I won’t even notice(that much). If you loved these scary quotes, then you have to check out these Halloween quotes for kids!