Inside: Top quotes from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles
If you’ve ever had a travel experience go completely off the rails (literally or figuratively), then you know the spirit of Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. This 1987 comedy classic starring Steve Martin and John Candy perfectly captures the chaos, frustration, and unexpected friendships that can come from a disastrous trip.
Neal Page (Steve Martin) just wants to get home for Thanksgiving. Del Griffith (John Candy) just wants to help. What follows is a disaster-filled journey filled with broken-down cars, burning hotel rooms, and the eternal struggle to find a comfortable mode of transportation. Along the way, the film delivers some of the funniest and most memorable quotes in travel movie history.
So grab your suitcase (and maybe a spare set of car keys) as we dive into the best quotes from Planes, Trains, and Automobiles and other travel misadventures!
BEST Planes, Trains, and Automobiles Quotes
Flying seems like the easiest way to travel—unless, of course, you’re Neal Page trying to get home in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles. From canceled flights to that one person who always takes their shoes off, flying comes with its own set of hilarious and relatable struggles.
1. “Six bucks and my right nut says we’re not landing in Chicago.” – Del Griffith
2. “Welcome to Marathon. May I help you?” “Yes! How may you help me? You can start by wiping that f***** dumbass smile off your rosy f****** cheeks!”* – Neal Page
3. “You wanna hurt me? Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I’m an easy target.” – Del Griffith
4. “I can’t believe we’d miss it by that much!” – Neal Page (after missing his flight by seconds)
5. “If they told you that wolverines would make good house pets, would you believe them?” – Neal Page
6. “We’d have better luck playing pickup sticks with our butt cheeks than getting a flight out of here before daybreak.” – Del Griffith
7. “I’m not a big guy. I’m just bigger than most guys.” – Del Griffith
8. “Gee, I wish I hadn’t sat on my hat.” – Del Griffith
9. “Well, at the very least, the airline is throwing in a free meal. Oh boy, a salted nut!” – Neal Page
10. “When you’re in Wichita, you’re stuck in Wichita.” – Neal Page
Flying represents more than just speed—it’s about breaking free from the ground, soaring above the world, and, apparently, running into every possible delay.
More Quotes from Trains
Trains are supposed to be the most relaxing way to travel—unless you’re Neal and Del stuck in a tight, overcrowded space, wondering if they’ll ever get home.
11. “I have been wearing the same underwear since Tuesday!” – Neal Page
12. “I didn’t know you were sleeping. I would have taken a picture of you drooling.” – Del Griffith
13. “Those aren’t pillows!” – Neal Page (after an awkward wake-up moment with Del)
14. “I know you don’t believe me, but those seats recline a little bit.” – Train Attendant
15. “I’m not a bum. I’m a very resourceful guy.” – Del Griffith
16. “Just go with the flow, like a twig on the shoulders of a mighty stream.” – Del Griffith
17. “It’s gonna be a few more hours, but they’ll get that train here… eventually.” – Station Agent
18. “Why did I go for the express ticket? Because I thought it would be quicker! Joke’s on me.” – Neal Page
19. “It’s kind of like deja vu. Except it keeps getting worse.” – Neal Page
20. “I can handle this. I just have to keep smiling.” – Neal Page
Train travel is supposed to be smooth, scenic, and stress-free. But for Neal and Del, it’s just another stop on the never-ending road to disaster.
Quotes from Automobiles
The open road is where Neal and Del face their biggest challenges—from driving on the wrong side of the highway to a rental car that quite literally burns to a crisp. If you want to save these quotes for later, pin them on Pinterest!
21. “You’re going the wrong way!” “Oh, he’s drunk! How does he know where we’re going?” – Passengers yelling at Neal and Del
22. “Four wheels and a heater—that’s all you need!” – Del Griffith (describing their charred rental car)
23. “He’s proud of his town, you know. That’s a damn rare thing these days.” – Del Griffith
24. “We’re gonna make it! We’re gonna make it! … We’re not gonna make it.” – Neal Page
25. “You can start by wiping that f****** dumbass smile off your rosy f****** cheeks!” – Neal Page (in a memorable meltdown at the rental car desk)
26. “I know you don’t drink, but could you at least act like you’ve had a few?” – Neal Page
27. “We can laugh about this now, but at the time, it wasn’t so funny.” – Neal Page
28. “I know a shortcut! Trust me, we’ll shave at least five minutes off this drive!” – Del Griffith
29. “That was the seat belt, right? Not the door falling off?” – Neal Page
30. “I think we just ran over our dignity.” – Neal Page
Few things compare to the joy of a road trip—windows down, music blasting, and a world of possibilities ahead. But for Neal and Del, it’s a never-ending obstacle course of bad luck.
Why Travel Disasters Make the Best Stories
If Planes, Trains, and Automobiles teaches us anything, it’s that travel doesn’t always go as planned—but that’s what makes it so memorable. Sure, no one wants to have their car catch fire or spend the night in a stranger’s motel room, but years later, those are the stories you laugh about the most.
So the next time your flight gets canceled, your luggage goes missing, or your road trip takes an unexpected detour, remember: it could be worse—you could be Neal Page. And if all else fails, just find a friendly shower ring salesman to help you out.
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles Quotes: Conclusion
Planes, Trains, and Automobiles is more than just a travel comedy—it’s a reminder that sometimes, the worst trips make the best stories. Whether you’re soaring through the skies, rolling down the tracks, or driving into the horizon, every journey has its bumps (or, in Neal and Del’s case, full-blown disasters). But at the end of the day, it’s not about how you get there—it’s about who you share the trip with (even if they drive you insane).
So wherever your next adventure takes you, embrace the chaos, laugh at the mishaps, and maybe double-check your rental car agreement. Safe travels and happy road-tripping!