Inside: New Years resolution quotes that will inspire you to follow through

Ah, New Year’s resolutions – those grand declarations we make with a glass of bubbly in one hand and unrealistic expectations in the other. Every year, as the calendar flips to January, we find ourselves brimming with a peculiar mix of optimism and amnesia. We conveniently forget last year’s unfulfilled promises as we draft a fresh set of vows, swearing that this time, things will be different.

But let’s be real, shall we? Our resolutions often resemble a wish list for a fairy godmother, not plans we’re actually prepared to tackle. This year, however, I decided to take a different approach. Instead of the usual pledges to hit the gym or cut down on junk food (because, let’s face it, pizza is too good to forsake), I’m aiming for resolutions that are a bit more… attainable(here are some fun sarcastic New Years quotes for you.)

Photo of people holding sparklers and celebrating

So, buckle up, dear readers! I’m about to share a collection of New Year’s resolution quotes that are as funny as they are unlikely to be broken by February. After all, if we can’t laugh at our annual attempt to reinvent ourselves, what can we laugh at?

New Years Resolution Quotes

Now, let’s dive into a world where ambition meets a healthy dose of reality. These quotes aren’t just your run-of-the-mill resolutions; they’re a humorous nod to the everyday hero in all of us who dares to dream… realistically. Sometimes, simple is best. Take it from these simple life quotes!

1. “This year, my resolution is to remember where I left my keys. Baby steps, people, baby steps.”

2. “New Year’s Resolution: To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.”

3. “I’m going to break my resolution so fast, it’ll set a new world record.”

4. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop hanging out with people who ask me about my New Year’s resolutions.”

5. “This year I resolved to be more optimistic by keeping my cup half-full… with either rum, vodka, or whiskey.”

I'm going to break my resolution so fast it'll get a new world record

6. “I don’t call them New Year’s resolutions. I prefer the term ‘casual promises to myself that I’m under no legal obligation to fulfill.'”

7. “Resolution #1: More time on the couch. Let’s be realistic.”

8. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop lying to myself about making lifestyle changes.”

9. “I can’t believe it’s been a year since I didn’t become a better person.”

10. “New Year’s Resolution: Switch my phone off once a week. Time to live like it’s 1999.”

11. “This year, I’ll go to the gym. And by gym, I mean Netflix.”

12. “My resolution is to read more. Facebook comments don’t count, right?”

13. “I’ve decided my 2024 resolution is to leave my past behind, so I have more room in my closet.”

14. “New Year, same goal: Try not to kill my houseplants.”

15. “This year, I’ll eat more cake. It’s somebody’s birthday somewhere, right?”

I resolve to be more assertive if that's OK with you guys

More Inspirational Quotes

As we turn the page to a fresh set of 365 days, it’s time to chuckle at our perennial optimism. In this section, we’ll explore resolutions that are less about monumental life changes and more about embracing the quirks of our daily lives.

16. “I promise to find a new excuse for my perennial lack of productivity.”

17. “Resolution for the year: Find a new pizza place. Gotta keep things exciting!”

18. “My New Year’s resolution is to learn a new language. And by language, I mean my coffee order in barista-speak.”

19. “2024 Goal: Buy more plants. That way, my living room can ignore my resolutions just as much as I do.”

20. “This year’s resolution is simple: Avoid all unnecessary drama, unless it’s on reality TV.”

21. “I resolve to stay about the same weight, but redistribute it to more flattering locations.”

22. “My resolution? To make sure my weekend lasts all the way till Tuesday.”

23. “This year, I vow to not throw a hissy fit when I can’t find a parking spot at the gym I don’t go to.”

24. “Resolution: To finally figure out why I’m ‘unable to connect to Wi-Fi’.”

25. “I promise to only binge-watch series that inspire me to do more than just watch another series.”

26. “New Year’s Resolution: To remember that ‘delete my browser history’ is not a life plan.”

27. “This year, I will stop tagging my friends in memes at 3 AM. Maybe.”

28. “I resolve to try to meet my soulmate. In person, not just in my Twitter mentions.”

29. “2024 is the year I finally learn to cook something more sophisticated than microwave popcorn.”

30. “My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating. I’m not starting right now, though.”

Resolution to finally figure out why I am unable to connect to the Wi-Fi

Best New Years Resolution Quotes

Buckle up for a lighthearted look at our annual tradition of setting (and often sidestepping) personal goals. These New Years resolution quotes capture the spirit of New Year’s resolutions with a twist of humor and a pinch of relatable charm.

31. “I vow to remember that age is just a number. A very, very secretive number.”

32. “New Year’s Goal: To not believe politicians more than my lying ex.”

33. “Resolution: To accept the fact that I may never have a six-pack. A six-pack of beer, however, is always within reach.”

34. “I will spend less than an hour a day on social media. This, of course, will be tough to enforce after my three-hour morning scroll.”

35. “This year, I will finally find out what happens if I don’t agree to the Terms and Conditions.”

36. “My resolution is to help all my friends gain ten pounds so I look slimmer.”

37. 2024 Plan: Figure out how to travel more without quitting my job. Acceptable suggestions welcome.”

38. “I promise to buy a gym membership, use it for a week, then walk past it guiltily for the next 11 months.”

39. “This year’s fitness goal: Be able to close the rings on my Apple Watch by moving more than just my wrist.”

40. “I resolve to be more assertive if that’s okay with you guys?”

41. “This year, I vow to clean my room once a week, or at least when I start losing small pets in the clutter.”

42. “Resolution for 2024: Buy a plant. Try not to kill it. That’s it. Let’s keep it simple.”

43. “I promise to make more time for my hobbies. Namely, napping and snacking.”

44. “New Year’s Goal: To remember that the snooze button is not an evil device—it’s just misunderstood.”

45. “This year, I’ll finally embrace my inner morning person… once I find him.”

46. “My resolution is to stop telling ‘2024 will be my year’ jokes as I’ve been doing this since 2015 and it’s getting old.”

47. “2024: The year I finally learn to cook something that doesn’t come with microwave instructions.”

48. “I resolve to finish the books I started in 2022, 2021, and… okay, let’s not go too far back.”

49. “This year, I’m going to do something really scary: check my bank account regularly.”

50. “New Year’s Resolution: Spend less time making lists. Well, after this one, obviously.”

New Years resolution quotes

As we wrap up our journey through the world of inspiring New Year’s resolutions, let’s remember one thing: it’s perfectly okay if we end up carrying some of our old habits into the new year.

After all, changing ourselves overnight is about as easy as teaching a cat to fetch. What matters is that we face each day with a smile, a sense of humor, and the willingness to try again (even if ‘again’ means the umpteenth time).

So, whether you’re aiming to make small changes or just aiming to make it through another year without losing your sanity, remember: the perfect resolution is the one that makes you happy – gym membership or not. Here’s to a year filled with laughter, self-acceptance, and maybe, just maybe, a few fulfilled resolutions. Happy New Year! 🎉

Continue on the quote fun with these Happy New Years Quotes!